*The Masked Mountaineer’s views do not necessarily (but probably) represent the views of BGP. This is only for entertainment purposes. The Masked Mountaineer is not responsible for App State losses under any circumstance but will gladly take credit for a win against New Mexico State.*
Happy Homecoming Week, Mountaineers! I know what you’re thinking: New Mexico State vs. App: A Classic regional rivalry game! NMSU is located in Las Cruces, NM and has an undergrad enrollment of around 15,000 students on campus. They have been competitive in each of their losses to AZ State, Troy, and Arkansas. Their defensive coordinator Frank Spaziani used to be the head coach at Boston College and was placed in witness protection inside this embarrassment of a program that has had less success historically than the Hindenberg.
1. Their last 3 coaches went 77-190 over a span from 1990-2013. I left out Mike Knoll on purpose. From 1986-1989 he went an incredible 4-40 and ended his career at NMSU with a 17 game losing streak. Each year they were outscored by at least 200 points. Coach Knoll went on to coach Upper Iowa of Division 2 and compile a 9-33 record. My football coaching experience is limited to Madden but I could watch Remember the Titans twenty times and accomplish more than 4-40.
2. They are too politically correct. Their mascot is “Pistol Pete”: In 2005 they changed his name to just “Pete” and gave him a lasso instead of a gun and dubbed him (unofficially) as “Lasso Larry.” Prior to the 2007 season they brought back the Pistol. Pete looks a lot like Mr. Slave from South Park.
In addition, he was suspended in 2009 for fighting with Utah State mascot. They discourage cowboys with guns and fights with rivals? Pansies. Their mascot should just be the New Mexico State Jesse Pinkmans because the whole state is basically just known for Breaking Bad and they aren’t accomplished enough to be the Walter Whites.
3. They are getting kicked out of the Sun Belt. I am not crapping on our league, but getting asked to leave the Sun Belt is like being asked to leave a Hell’s Angels party for being too crass. This column writes itself most weeks because of the ineptitude of almost every single program in our league and STILL NMSU is being forced out. Sadly, they made a Powerpoint presentation to try and stay on board (https://www.underdogdynasty.com/2016/2/20/11075356/new-mexico-state-power-point-presentation-to-the-sun-belt-idaho). New Mexico State is the deadbeat husband who gets kicked out of his house but keeps showing up at his wife’s house with ice cream and Dollar Tree trinkets begging for another chance despite the fact that his wife is better off without him. Beginning in 2018 they will be an FBS Independent where they will continue to seek a conference.
4. Their last bowl appearance was in 1960. No jokes needed.
Let’s go Apps!